The future comes along its way

The year begins with the question with what I’m going to work as in the future. It automatically leads me to think what kind of life I want. How do I want to live my next few decades?

These thoughts spiraled through my head. The answers didn’t come immediately. I know what I have to do. Be honest with myself. It’s not easy. Sometimes I think I might not even know if I’m lying to myself. Sometimes I don’t get any answers for the questions I asked. It is worst then not getting answers.

I thought about The Alchemist - Answer to Your Calling. If I do that, I can get the riches or treasure of my life. Else, I can just lose the direction in my life. It’s not as simple as just following my own thoughts. Especially when I mentioned I can’t tell what is real all the time.

But I know I’m still on this journey (as long as I live). I’ll grow to be who I want myself to be with no regrets. I have to write down what I think is the truth for me. Events that happen around me continue to help me be in-tune with my own feelings and values. Lucky for them, I’m able to better know who I am. I learn about how turn-off I can be about some other people. I ask myself why I’m turn-off. And I get my answer (thank you). I don’t like self-centered behavior, and words/actions that neglect other people’s feelings. I’m equally guilty of behaving the same way at times. I don’t want to judge anyone just because they have these personality traits, so I just write down I don’t like what they are doing. They are not wrong in my opinion. We are just different. I think I have a real high score for F to make me feel this way about others. I know this means I have to work on social dynamics and interpersonal relationships. Making people feel good about themselves is my calling but I don’t expect just anyone to understand and feel the same as I do.

I kept thinking that before I can help anyone, I have to deal with myself and make sure I’m congruent and doing well. It means take care of my own problems before I start meddling into others. Down the road, I came to know that my problems will never end. New ones come and old ones resurface. If I only help myself, I can never answer the call. I’ll never be happy. In life, the realization always comes at the least expected moment. As a surprise. I was watching the latest TV hit, Heroes. From it, I realized that even heroes have their problems to solve constantly. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. But weaknesses shouldn’t be stopping us from helping the rest. Weaknesses are there so that we have to work with other people and we need each other help to improve our life. It means we need to learn to work with people, to reach to the ones who need help and from them, we can get to learn how we can carry on with a meaningful life. You might not be able to help Alice, but Bernard can and you can help Bernard. We may not see the immediate effects of our actions but we have to believe in paying it forward. One good turn deserve another. What goes round comes round. I’m beginning to hold a stronger belief towards Kharma. Somehow, I feel life can get simpler with this belief.

I don’t need to be the greatest man in the world. I just have to be the greatest man I want to be, in the way I want to be.

And when I think further about a few words my friends had shared on impermanence. I think I’m experiencing it with my changing thoughts and beliefs. I feel differently about other people and myself already since the time I’m revealed to some answers. It just happens and certain emotions and opinions about things just go away bit by bit. Welcome to the new rules, I say.