Stumbling on Happiness

It was a surprising pleasant read. It helps me to understand why people including myself, make choices and regret later. Why we always yearn and regret for things we couldn't get or didn't do?

Chance upon this book when I saw the video by the author Daniel Gilbert.

Stumbling on Happiness is a provocative read. Not meant for the faint hearted.

Up the Kilimanjaro mountain

Almost 2 years have passed since I was up the mountain. Writing a post only at this point of time serve as the chance to reflect and just tell what was still enact in my memories and how these memories made me feel now. I want to wait till the pain and joy I went through at that time are diluted. I think these would be my real learnings.

Speaking now with additional years of growth and thoughts, the emotions and experience that have passed through me at that point of time now gave me a new perspective to my life and aspiration.

Trekking up the mountain was a training of the mental strength and releasing of the potential of one's body and mind. I could still remember when I was moving up on the summit climb, I could only push on by focusing on the success story I could tell if I have done it. What a show-off I want to be, when I think about this now. I'm not a story teller who can leads anyone to feel how I felt at that time.

I started to read some stories from mountaineers who survive the worst ordeals in the mountains. Under the titanic forces of nature, it is easy to understand how vulnerable humans can be and how naive I have been. But at the same time, human can only tap into the deepest wells of potential when it is for survival.

If ask how I truly felt about being on top of the mountain, I felt just what those authors did. After being at the highest point, when you look back in time, you can feel a sense of almost emptiness in the heart. Like you lost something and you know you can never get it back or replace it with anything else. And you can only feel its presence in the way it had influence and grow you.

Work Harder, Play Harder

I'm definitely working harder. But not playing harder. Shit.

Searching for answers

A question on morality.
If the only way to get food and medical supplies to a refugee camp is to smuggle arms along with those supplies, will you do it? Forget about the risk of getting caught.

A question on longing.
Do we miss the people we don't get to see more or do we miss those we get to see everyday more? Do we remember the people more for the happy moments they have brought us or do we remember them more for the misery they have brought us? Sometimes we tend to miss those things we have lost more than those we have around us. And it's just a thin line to cross from missing to forgetting. It's weird how our hearts and minds can play tricks on us.

Thoughts after Beyond Borders.

The future comes along its way

The year begins with the question with what I’m going to work as in the future. It automatically leads me to think what kind of life I want. How do I want to live my next few decades?

These thoughts spiraled through my head. The answers didn’t come immediately. I know what I have to do. Be honest with myself. It’s not easy. Sometimes I think I might not even know if I’m lying to myself. Sometimes I don’t get any answers for the questions I asked. It is worst then not getting answers.

I thought about The Alchemist - Answer to Your Calling. If I do that, I can get the riches or treasure of my life. Else, I can just lose the direction in my life. It’s not as simple as just following my own thoughts. Especially when I mentioned I can’t tell what is real all the time.

But I know I’m still on this journey (as long as I live). I’ll grow to be who I want myself to be with no regrets. I have to write down what I think is the truth for me. Events that happen around me continue to help me be in-tune with my own feelings and values. Lucky for them, I’m able to better know who I am. I learn about how turn-off I can be about some other people. I ask myself why I’m turn-off. And I get my answer (thank you). I don’t like self-centered behavior, and words/actions that neglect other people’s feelings. I’m equally guilty of behaving the same way at times. I don’t want to judge anyone just because they have these personality traits, so I just write down I don’t like what they are doing. They are not wrong in my opinion. We are just different. I think I have a real high score for F to make me feel this way about others. I know this means I have to work on social dynamics and interpersonal relationships. Making people feel good about themselves is my calling but I don’t expect just anyone to understand and feel the same as I do.

I kept thinking that before I can help anyone, I have to deal with myself and make sure I’m congruent and doing well. It means take care of my own problems before I start meddling into others. Down the road, I came to know that my problems will never end. New ones come and old ones resurface. If I only help myself, I can never answer the call. I’ll never be happy. In life, the realization always comes at the least expected moment. As a surprise. I was watching the latest TV hit, Heroes. From it, I realized that even heroes have their problems to solve constantly. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. But weaknesses shouldn’t be stopping us from helping the rest. Weaknesses are there so that we have to work with other people and we need each other help to improve our life. It means we need to learn to work with people, to reach to the ones who need help and from them, we can get to learn how we can carry on with a meaningful life. You might not be able to help Alice, but Bernard can and you can help Bernard. We may not see the immediate effects of our actions but we have to believe in paying it forward. One good turn deserve another. What goes round comes round. I’m beginning to hold a stronger belief towards Kharma. Somehow, I feel life can get simpler with this belief.

I don’t need to be the greatest man in the world. I just have to be the greatest man I want to be, in the way I want to be.

And when I think further about a few words my friends had shared on impermanence. I think I’m experiencing it with my changing thoughts and beliefs. I feel differently about other people and myself already since the time I’m revealed to some answers. It just happens and certain emotions and opinions about things just go away bit by bit. Welcome to the new rules, I say.

2008

2 weeks into 2008, I was already asked several times about my goals or resolution for the year. I'm not planning to write a list of them this year. Instead, I want to adopt an attitude and carry it through. I came up with a mission statement for myself to stay focus.

Work Harder, Play Harder.

This year my aim is to use my time efficiently and enrich my life in all aspects. I foresee 2008 is a year of tremendous challenges and hence also means opportunities and growth for me.

Work Harder. It's a make it or break it year at work. My colleague suggested work smarter. I agree to his point. It also may determine where I want to go for my future.
Play Harder. What's life without play and fun? Got to go explore more places, try new activities, widen my social circle. Realize life is too short to just bump around and sleep 12 hours on weekend.

New Year's Gift

I received a gift at the countdown party- a kiss ... ... from mother Nature. This is the consequence when fun went overboard.

I find it a bit of irony. I engaged in mountain trekking and was unscathed. Who will expect that I hurt myself back at a party. Really have to exert caution at all times.

Feeling crippled with the right hand down.

• I can't exert too much strength with my right hand, eating using the chopsticks and spoon become quite painful now.
• Holding a pen poses a little problem. Now my handwriting is even more illegible. Luckily typing still works as long as I'm careful on how I place my wrist. Yea, using the mouse is a bit more tiring as I have to hold my hand in mid-air to operate the mouse.
• Bathing is as usual, refreshing and awakening. whoo...when the water flows through the wound. Haha, I can't be more alive than this. I can't scrub myself properly too with only one hand. Just feel like I'm applying soap and washing off the soap. Maybe have to put on cologne to mask off any smell.
• Can't eat some food in case of infection. Chinese new year is one more month away!
  

Otherwise, I think I'm coping well with my better left hand. A different way of starting 2008. If everything happens for a purpose, I think it will be to learn to take better care of my body, health, mind and not to take things for granted.

Rush Limbaugh's Chauffeur

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.
Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.

They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver.
"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.
The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

You don't know how badly people think of you... especially behind your back

Complete Makeover

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

Events that happened before another may not be causal. There's still things unknown to us and unexplored. Do not assume too much.

Refrigerator Husband

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband. He thinks he's a refrigerator!''
''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.''
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.''

Some people just can't see and understand that the problem lies with themselves. It can be difficult sometimes as it is hard to be objective as well as see things from another point of view. If this can change, their world and perception will change as well.

Waves Incoming

I'm beginning to see that huge waves are approaching from the horizon that will change a lot of how things work. I better start to learn how to swim, surf, dive or whatever skills to not only survive but live with ease.

It's going many steps forward. It's going to be doing the things I didn't do before and doing the things I'm doing differently. I got to grow and prepare myself mentally.

Win or lose. Fight or run. I need more conviction and drive. Nothing will get laid out beautifully in front of me. Everyone for himself, fight my own battles, fight for my rights. Cheers.

Stand By Me

In times of hardship and adversity, maybe we will cry out in our hearts.
Whatever happens, happens for a reason. It depends on what we choose to focus on.

"Stand by me, will you?" say Earth


Human is just a part of Earth and yet we are taking more than we should and killing it. Insignificant fools, we are, turning a blind eye to all the dangers and warnings that are shouting out at us. We care for ourselves and not the next generation.

Hope we are not too late. I'm ashamed that I still need a conviction to embark on a Mission.

Building a positive attitude

Many a times we say we must have the positive attitude. We say it comprises of open-mindedness, optimism, passion and respect. So I have been wondering what can help to define attitude or is there any one thing we can change or work on to create positive attitude?

I would say it is high self-esteem. Loving yourself and who you are would create the responsibility of taking care of your own well being. You will learn to take care of your own body and mind. You will desire to expand your own horizons.

You are confident of your character and capability to know that you will succeed in your life. You will keep your head above the water no matter what misfortunes or failures befall on you. You keep the spirit up. You look on the brighter side.

You will value yourself and know you are worthy of whatever riches in this world and work towards your dreams. You create the passion in your life.

It would be a pleasure for me to have a further discussion on this to develop this idea...

So meanwhile, I'll groom my self-esteem.

Meet up with Paiboon

He gave us a few messages to take home. It was a refreshing idea on happiness. As he said, we have to go through the process and experience it for ourselves. I know I can't figure it out just by reasoning it out. (I've tried thinking real hard about it for a few hrs). Perhaps I am limited by my span of the worldly emotions and experiences and knowledge.

"Life is short. Don't take things for granted."

To answer the call or not?

Paiboon, if you are reading this, I know you won't find this to be any compliment to you. But I do admire your courage.

Read more.

Life Cycle

I spent part of the Saturday afternoon, cosily in my bed, reading my 1st book of the year.

A point is made in the book which I think the writer describe it flawlessly using the Wizard of Oz analogy - Dorothy had the power to go back home right from the start she step foot onto the Land of Oz. Similarly, it reminded me of "The Alchemist".

I often have the thought that in the pursue of getting better and improving ourselves, we will end up in a circle to where we started off or return to the basics. Sometimes, it also means that we realise that what we are seeking is bringing us off tangent. Usually, after this cyclic journey, we are back to what we used to be, the difference being somehow we better understand what we are doing and who we are.

This phenomenon seems like a matter of fact or perhaps it's how nature course works. I have witnessed this in friends (some of you know I'm talking about you. I'm glad for you all finding your path) as well as in myself. When I realised this fact, it has changed my coaching philosophy and the way I want to connect to people.

I'm also glad that it has occurred in ways that reveal how people are really. Fundamentally, some people doesn't changed.

Things that I am puzzled about is why is it happening in such a fashion, is it always like that and are there ways not go through the cyclic journey and end up where we are supposed to be?
(I'm putting up a reminder here to ask Uncle Paiboon this question when he is back. I believe he has an answer or at least closer to the answer I'm seeking out)

It also shot the question at me. How well do we know our needs and wants - long term and short term?

The Secret

After a week into 2007, I have decided to use the "hidden secret of thousands of years" to make some goal resolution. (some of you folks know what I mean) I know these goals ain't going to look SMART, so please...no goal clarification. They don't come in any particular priority, except in the order they come to my head and how fast my hands can type.

1. To attain a longer period of concentration ie learn to focus better.
2. To have a better memory - long and short term.
3. To improve social networking skills.
4. To improve writing skill.
5. To read more books than 2006.
6. To improve technical capability in work so as to create more value.
7. To take up toastmasters again. It's been a long wait for my CTM.
8. To hold alcohol better.
9. To earn more money (so as to spend more money).
10. To practice coaching skills.
11. To become NLP junkie once in a while. (damn, it is getting boring w/o the linguistic bombardment and mind-fucking session)
    
12. To get into a desired relationship.
13. To improve work efficiency.
14. To have a structure of thoughts that can relate to others better. (No point only me knowing what I think about)
15. To get healthier - which also entail less junk food and earlier bedtime. (ok...think I need to think about some exercise regime also)
16. To go diving (Indonesia??)
17. To go trekking (hey folks, when's that? I'm counting on you guys to organize)
18. To go canoeing? (this is really tentative. It's been a year since we say let's go canoe)
19. To get a new PC.
20. To redecorate/furnish bedroom.

Ok, the goals are really getting a bit crappier. Goes to show I really need #1, I have to reel myself back when I started on #11. You know, when you are in the flow of thoughts you feel like to go on and on because it just feels good and mischievous doing so and I know it's a bit messy (that's what #14 is for, isn't it) :P

All right, to sign off...."Ask, Answer, Receive"

Ongoing Traffic

Once, someone told me I've got a ongoing traffic in my head. My thoughts never stop running and I think of too much things. It's true. Sometimes I even think why I can think about so many different things at one time and I think about why I think of that too. :P

Some people say this is smart, doing parallel thinking. I have to agree it does help me to see things from different perspectives which I often do unconsciously. Here's the tricky part, it is unconscious so the ideas are really abstract and I can't put them into words. I just know I have thought about it in my little wired hub. Secondly, I don't make conclusion and conclusion can be vital especially when I have to make decisions. This is getting a little complex here....and this is just a small peek to how the traffic in my brain is flowing every second. Intertwined thoughts like a ball of string messed up by a playful kitten.

In addition, my brain therefore find it a "bit" of a challenge to stay focus as the traffic roads are never one way. They are side roads and turns everywhere to bring me to anywhere. (I need to learn to concentrate for longer period of time)

I want things to be simple. Complexity is too much to handle.

Still feels the same

As time goes by, some things doesn't change much. I still feels the same way each time I'm flying off. A longing, loneliness mixed with anticipation.

Missing all the things, people I love, missing out on the things I love.

Spare me....jus a thot

I wonder sometime if people appreciate it if I spare a thought for them.

If someone spare a thought for me, would I appreciate them for meaning well or would I get annoyed at them for sparing a thought and making the decision for me. Especially if they are making the wrong assumptions and I would really wish they "spare the wrong thoughts".

Let me know if you have spare a thought for me.

What went wrong? Me?

It seems to me I have been noticing this pattern among friends, friends of friends...more often lately.

And the pattern usually says "I thought I could do it, but now that I'm in it, I don't think I can."

I think as human beings, when we face with disturbances, real issues, challenges and whatever you call it, our confidence will dip and we begin to have mixed feelings. Some people decide to brave the storms while some decide to call it off.

At this point, I wonder if it is the lack of capability, support, self-confidence, self-understanding or control of emotions that cause us to wavier or is there something else? If right at the beginning we thought we really could, then I truly think that it could be done. Because, through time and events, we are understanding ourselves better (ok, i hope this is not an assumption). Then we get to know our limitations and flaws better, and doesn't this mean we get to have a bigger chance than before to overcome them? Hmm, am I wrong here?

I think it is just the same old thing. We are too lazy, comfortable and/or afraid to change.

So, I think we shouldn't blame it on the part of ourselves that is known as "Self-esteem". If you don't start loving yourself, it is difficult for others to love you too. If you don't have confidence in yourself, it is difficult for others to believe in you. I f you want to blame, maybe blame it on the part of you that wants comfort and certainty. Self-esteem is a part of us we should never deny or stop nuturing. Self-esteem is an essential ingredient that makes a person alive and moves on... ...living.


"Failure is an event, never a person" ~ William D. Brown